walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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