Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
