Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
