just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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