If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
