just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
