Yo dont text me then not text me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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