I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
