The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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