I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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