Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
