dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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