Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
