she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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