some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
