So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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