i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
