I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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