I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
