Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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