I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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