i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
