It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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