we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drake has all the answers
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
