Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
