dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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