I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
