I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
