I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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