I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
