atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
