I'm drive I can fine osifer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
