why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
