I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
