All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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