Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
