i don't like sucking hair
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
