he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My vagina just recognized that song.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
