I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
