Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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