There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
