Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
