i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
