awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
