Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
