i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
