Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
