I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
