ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
