OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
