what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
