Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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