He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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