I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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