Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
